Charity

I was 12 and waiting for my school bus at the HDB void deck near my school. We were early and after skipping rope with 2 girlfriends for a quarter of an hour, we decided to visit the Buddhist-run Old Age Home nearby. If I've had a PSP maybe I wouldn't have moved.

As a child I spent most of my time with my maternal grandpa and many afternoons had been spent around other ah peks (old uncles). But I've never really seen helpless old people before and the visit to the Old Age Home had been a revelation.

I still remember walking into a room filled with beds. An old lady had shitted on the floor and was calling out for help but somehow nobody came. There were people everywhere, yet every one of them seemed to be in his/her own lonely world. I told my 12-year old self that I would not leave old people alone if I could help it.

When I entered Junior College, I joined the Interact Club. I chose to work with the Elderly and was assigned as Volunteer (both organisation and action) with a neighbourhood Social Service Centre. I was to remain there for 6 years, offering on average 2 days a week of my time, till just before I left Singapore for Paris to do my Post-Grad.

Last year I bumped into Sally - a fellow volunteer. A few weeks back, still on my trip searching for former teachers and lecturers, I discovered that Sudha Nair who was the Director of the SSC when I was a volunteer there is now a Professor teaching Social Service (specialising in Family Violence) at the University. I have alot of respect for Sudha. She was fair, professional, brilliant, inspiring and most of all - kind. I've learnt alot from her (she trained us) and if today I'm not one to sit around waiting for things to happen, I believe that it came partly from my years volunteering with the Elderly, with people you wanted to befriend in the last years of their life.

At our last PTA meeting, we discussed whether we should accord a part of our funds (if we have any - mind you) to charity. As usual I acted on gut feeling and spoke out, saying that I would personally prefer not to give money. Not that I've not given money to charity, but since we already pay 50% of our income to the Government (who's supposed to do the re-distributing), I usually do so if it's tax deductible (question of principle). Besides, all those years I've spent on development studies have taught me that donors' funds rarely reach their destinees in the proportion that they should, so in short, I've lost some faith in organised charities. And how many people bother to go in-depth on the history, philosophy, administration and development of the charities they wanted to support beyond the marketing pamphlets or press coverage that they have access to?

More importantly, my concept of charity is not based on cash. I remember vividly the story in Luke where we were told that it's not the absolute amount that we can give to those in need that counts - but what the gift would cost the giver in terms of personal sacrifice. Charity to me is the giving of the self and the sharing of hope and faith. It is not a linear (probably incidental and patronising) act but one that comes back in a full circle meaning that it has to involve conscious choice and a certain humility. It has to mean something to the giver - so that it would also mean something to the person who receives. And receiving is sometimes not as easy as we think. We tend to ignore that.

As such, it would be good if the children should be involved in the act of charity and not just watch (if at all) their parents write out a cheque to those who need it (though as we say beggars shouldn't be choosers). If a child has to pick out a toy that he likes (and not just something that he doesn't want any more) and make a choice to offer it to someone who has less than himself (for that he has to understand the concept of having vs not having and the fact that having is not always necessary), he would learn more about sharing than simply finding a suitable recipient for things he does not need. Like an afterthought.

It is of course difficult to draw a line between altruism and the feeling of obligation, peer pressure or duty that goes towards the act of doing good. But whatever it is, I suppose more importantly one should want to do it.

In the course of my 13 years in Europe I've often toyed with the idea of returning to volunteering. But I haven't - because if I have to be honest, my heart is not in it. I am still trying to figure out the reason. Could it be because I felt no affinity with the inhabitants of the continent? That I prefer charity as a civil organisation rather than the often religious or state-sponsored entities in existence? Or even that it doesn't have to be a regular, organised thing - just something you do here and there when you encounter a need that you can help to address?

Je ne sais pas. But what I do know is that charity starts at home. And I'll try to do just that - for now.