Banana Bread (could have been gluten-free but wasn't)

Banana Bread

We went hiking in Hong Kong over the CNY holidays and left whatever food we couldn't clear out before leaving to their own fates. Among the stuff were 2 bananas that turned black on the outside, but remained surprisingly firm and white on the inside. I am no expert in bananas so I can't dissertate about why these bananas were not rotting on the inside, nor could I tell you if the race and cultivation methods had anything to do with that, but ripe bananas certainly do tend to reveal a primitive desire in me to cook or bake them.

I have baked a number of banana cakes and brownies in my life, and I am always ready to try something new. In recent times I've been reading quite a bit about the use of alternative grains in cooking and baking, and I've seen with my own eyes how ladies who couldn't eat gluten tend to be really skinny. Unfortunately I love my wheat and know that it would be torture to resist the pasta, fresh loaves and cakes, so I have been toying with the idea of reducing processed wheat flour with small amounts of alternative "healthier" flours. On this day, I found almond meal, organic chickpea (besan) and wheat flours in my pantry, so I used them. I've run out of wholemeal wheat flour, and would have loved to use it too if I had any on hand.

With this Year of the Goat, we started our 5th year as expats in Shanghai. This would be our longest expatriation ever in one country, and while we welcome it as the children are attending good international schools, the Hub still has lots to accomplish in his current position and I enjoy being chauffeur-driven, there are moments when I feel tired of living in this expat bubble and wished I could be somewhere where I could plant a few trees, choose my own tiles for the bathroom, build my own kitchen and meet more people who lead "normal" lives. As I do my morning walks, I often spend time renovating my own place in my head, and they come in all sizes, from tiny to moderately big though never too big as I still do not think I'll want to hire full-time domestic help.

If you have been an expat for as long as I have been, and in so many different places, you would have met all sorts of people. There are people with whom you could enjoy existentialist, metaphysical and/or XXX discussions and debates, but with most people, you will have to keep relations at the how are you and I love you levels. When I first arrived in Paris to study politics at Sciences Po, I often wondered what's with the French and their love for talk shows where they discussed and debated everything to death; then I spent a few months in Rochester, NY, where I noticed that most people looked at life in black and white, where you had to constantly put yourself in one camp or another. That horrified me, for I couldn't understand why a land of liberty could produce so many people with such limited views, and with such an overpowering sense of good versus evil when the gun is so freely wielded by people both "good" and "bad". Just as I had romantic fantasies about Arab oil sheikhs that dispersed at my first contacts with a few North Africans, I dropped my American Dream and returned to Europe, to the Brits with their sense of humour, the French for their lack of, the Germans for being there to make sure that everybody toes the line, the Italians for being such a mess but for making the best pasta and ceramics...the list goes on for the Continent is as big and diverse as it is old.

Here in Shanghai, with such a very big expat population, you amplify the contacts you have with people from all over the world. And you have what I didn't have in the other expat communities I lived in: Charity Galas and loads of charity-related events. China, I guess, has both the world's second largest number of billionaires as well as gigantic pockets of people who need help. Help that they seem not to be getting from their billionaires, nor from their government that taxes people like us 50% of our income at its source. So it's more or less left to the many warm-hearted locals, expats and international schools here to carry out year-round fundraising, combine that with the IB requiring their students to do charity as part of their learning and Diploma, and you will be doing charity in one way or another here, both directly and indirectly.

Recently, a friend reacted to a Wechat discussion a group of mums from the school were having about charity overdose. She posted a few thoughts on Facebook about how people who travelled a few times a year complained about donating 10 rmb here and there (e.g. during charity drives at school); that some mums complained about being solicited to help out at school while others did their part without complaining. As I have mentioned earlier, it's a friend that I like and respect, so I resisted the temptation to point out in her FB posting that what she wrote couldn't logically hold much water as there was too much hyperbole in it. How could people who could afford to travel a few times a year not want to pay 10 rmb to help out a few poor Chinese kids? Surely the issue runs deeper than that and if a few hundred, even thousand rmb a year could help save your soul and your conscience who wouldn't go for it willingly? Unfortunately, if you take it at such a minimised angle, it made those who dared to complain about charity drive attrition, or how our kids only look upon charity as taking money from mummy to give to the school, look really bad. Still, as I've always said to those who would listen, only you yourself know what you think and have done, so no problem there. Least you think I'm speaking behind her back, I will bring this up with her face to face another time.

Speaking of travel, most expats I know do travel a lot, some more comfortably than others. There are expats whose companies (usually American) offer them generous travel allowances that may pay for business class air tickets, hotel accommodation and even car rentals, there are expats whose companies only offer an annual ticket home (and if you are like us it's only for economy class) and there are others who get nothing. So 4/5 times when we travel, it's out of our own pocket, it's a choice we make that usually requires sacrifices on our part e.g. the Young Adult has nothing saved towards his college education. But even when I was earning peanuts as a young graduate I've always managed to save enough to travel each year, so it doesn't matter if I couldn't afford luxury travel, I'm happy just to continue seeing the world and experience life beyond the usual with whatever means we have at hand. And if 10rmb here and there could make me feel better about this indulgence, it wouldn't be too much to give away. If only things are so simple...

Helping out at school is another expat-related issue. Back in those days when my kids went to public schools in France, the only people you ever get to see if you should go to school were a few grandparents and nannies at the school gate (usually closed during school hours). Most mothers worked and the schools only asked you to turn up if there was an issue with your child. When our children first attended an international school in Italy, I had my first PTA contact and ended up spending almost 4 years in the school itself. Certes, I made great friends among the other mothers who helped out and I entered into some friction with the School Principal because of my big mouth (but since then we understand and respect each other, don't we?), but I literally lived with the school and the other expats. Arriving in Shanghai, I saw that the situation was similar, though as the schools are bigger and the population bigger too, you wouldn't get the same sense of community as you would back in Modena. I decided that discretion would be the better part of valour and kept a low profile most of the time, helping out whenever I could or felt like it, and most of the time I would turn up to help without having put my name down for it - so that nobody would remember me if they were looking for "volunteers" later on!

Besides helping out in the classrooms, parents are often required to help out in charity-related events often driven by the school, its Student Council and/or its PTA, from baking goodies for sale to organising the charity galas etc. I have given much thought in the past few years to this, but came up with no obvious resolution about my personal involvement at this moment. When I was a teenager, I spent 6 years of my life as a volunteer with the elderly in a neighbourhood social service centre. We were hands-on charity workers and had to come out with time and effort beyond time for studies or work. We had a camaraderie with our fellow volunteers and a connection with the senior citizens we worked for that money wouldn't be able to buy. It's like studying about humanitarian effort at University and learning about how just providing funds could do more harm than good. At the same time, without funds, charity effort on the ground cannot be sustained. So it's a combination of different effort at different levels; you have to admire and thank those people who, by hook or by crook, raise the funds to feed your charity labour and the fund raisers are glad that there is a good reason for them to give money for.

In Shanghai, many expat mums leave behind their jobs (at least temporarily especially for the first timers) in their own countries and arrive in an environment like the school which, I suspect, gave them a sense of belonging and purpose. I'm sure they sincerely feel compassion for the Chinese children, orphans etc they are helping to raise funds for, but looking from the angle of a former volunteer, it's relatively glamorous work attending meetings (and from what I heard, a lot of politicking and egos flying around most of the time in them), baking cupcakes, charming shops to donate prizes...But it's important to have someone do it and we should be grateful that they did what they did because they didn't have to in the first place. Then other expats could find a nice dress to wear to a gala, make a few bids in the silent auctions and send more money to a few charitable organisations. Everyone has a place in this karma-generating enterprise and we can only hope that those who really need the money and help get the majority of all of that.

Do I sound negative or positive or do you really need to figure it all so very clearly? What happened to the Banana Bread? I blog this recipe for my Bulgarian friend ES (still living in Modena) who asked for it and hope that she will like it.

Banana Bread :

1½ cup all purpose wheat flour (could replace ½ cup with wholemeal)
½ cup organic chickpea flour
½ cup almond meal
1 tsp baking soda
¾ tsp salt
½ tsp ground cinnamon
2 ripe bananas mashed
½ cup brown sugar (can also be ginger-spiced) 
½ cup olive oil (preferably light-flavoured)
1½ tsp pure vanilla extract
½ cup water
½ cup walnuts or pecan nuts chopped and optional

20x10x10 cm loaf tin oiled and floured

The method : 

Preheat oven to 350°F/175°C.

Mix dry ingredients (e.g. flours, baking soda, salt and cinnamon) together in a large bowl.

In another large bowl mash the bananas and combine with the sugar, olive oil and vanilla to a smooth consistency.

Slowly mix in the dry ingredients adding the water as you go along.

Stir in the chopped nuts if you are using them.

Pour into the loaf tin and bake for an hour.

With maple syrup

This loaf is best eaten warm, but I enjoy heating it up slice after slice a day or 2 later and eating it with maple syrup or nutella.  

Chinese New Year 2012

CNY 2012

I left Singapore in September 1995 and have probably celebrated Chinese New Year once before I got married. After that it was too expensive to travel home just for a week, with summer being the preferred period for home visits.

When we arrived in Shanghai last year, it was just a week before the CNY, so we "celebrated" our first CNY in Asia riding on the free-flow firecrackers around us. Shanghai is usually dead during the holidays as its large migrant population closes all shops/restaurants/services and head home, so we weren't too impressed with the experience.

2 months ago we realised that we would be having a week-long break towards the end of January - because it'd soon be the CNY! And the year of the (water) dragon too. We decided to visit Singapore now that we're closer, but many others had the same idea so SQ was fully booked months in advance. We therefore booked ourselves on China Eastern which honestly was a mistake. In this day and age there is still a regular airline that doesn't offer inflight entertainment, that serves horrible meals (piled high on top of the trolley), that doesn't give you a new set of pillows and blankets on a new flight!

Still, it was exciting celebrating my first CNY in 16 years with my family. What I missed was the reunion dinner on the eve of CNY, embracing the traditions of giving red packets and oranges, staying up late, sleeping with lucky money, watching the Hongbao show on TV, checking out the lanterns in the Chinese garden, doing a spot of last-minute shopping in the night markets, visiting friends and relations, lo-hei, wearing new clothes, catching the Chingay procession...everything I have given up when I started living overseas and married a European.

年年有余

When the Teenager was very small, I kept up with a few of the traditions and organised steamboat dinners with Chinese friends during CNY. Then it fizzled out because Hub never seemed interested enough in my traditions, keeping anyway the barest minimum of his own. Then the babies came along, we moved around more and more and CNY just moved to the back of my mind (and priorities).

This year I stuck 2 red paper cuttings of the character 福 (luck, prosperity) on my doors though I would stop there as I personally find it a little vulgar the Chinese obsession with money (钱 or 财) all times of the year. We should wish for good health and for things to go smoothly - and everything else would follow. You could have all the money in the world, but if you do not have the health to enjoy it, it would be worth nothing.

Lo-Hei

Mum had to help refresh my memory of what needed to be done for CNY, though I didn't participate in the praying since I wouldn't be doing that when the parents leave the world. I wanted to visit the night markets but the skies refused to cooperate, sending the rain promised by the Water Dragon down on us almost every evening.

Treasure pot

We ate reunion dinner as a family though : my own, my brother's and my parents. Only my sis was missing, but she had her Hub's family to eat dinner with. It was an expensive meal filled with lucky and prosperous-sounding dishes though the kids and Hub failed to appreciate it. I had my first lo-hei in donkey years - and still only ate the crackers. But I ate through everything else, especially my favourite Kum Hiong 金香Crabs.

金香Crabs

On the first day we visited my 3rd uncle. It was to be our only visit as most of the relations would gather there so that there would be no need to do the rounds like we used to when we were kids. It was a little disappointing, but let's face it : at my age, most of my parents' older relatives that we used to visit would be dead and we would have little to do with their children or grandchildren. For my parents, with no longer any kids to drag along, they've probably lost most real interest in the visiting so they ended up staying at home watching TV for the past decade. Since we've never been into CNY gambling, we never got into hosting big gatherings either, so all was calm.

This is sad, I suppose. But like everything else there's a time (and place) for celebrating CNY. Take Shanghai, for instance. My Shanghainese friends told me that with small families they no longer see any point in celebrating CNY either. In the big city which becomes dead with most of the migrant workers gone they also fail to gather enough atmosphere for the occasion, having to cook their own meals and just hang around waiting for the shops to open again. Those who can afford it would take the opportunity to travel, since there are basically only 2 holiday periods in China : CNY and the Golden Week in October.

But I talked to my hairdresser yesterday who as a migrant worker went home to his village in Sichuan. There it was the big occasion with waxed meats, big meals (but no touching of sharp objects or fire on the first day), a sharper observance of the traditions, gambling and big red packets. Since he was single, he came home with thousands of Chinese yuan in red packet money. Compared to the 122S$ that each of my kids amassed in their week in Singapore...

红包 money of course is an interesting part of CNY especially for the children. And nowadays it's not like before, you can't usually get your kids to surrender their hoard to you. The amount of money you put into your red packets could also be a study of the differences between the Chinese in different parts of the world.

I was quite surprised to discover that inflation has not reached angpow money in Singapore. When I was a kid (very long ago), we usually received between S$2 and $10. Apparently kids still receive the same amount today 2-4 decades later. A check with my HK and Chinese friends revealed that the Mainlanders (even my driver) put at least 200 rmb (about S$40) in their red packets, if not 500, even 1800rmb!

They seemed a little more reasonable in Hong Kong though, kids usually get between 40 and 80 HKD (in pairs of red packets though) and elderly parents will get much more. I chose to do $6, $8, $12, $18 on average. We agreed that the red packet is a way of giving blessing, so the money shouldn't matter. It shouldn't ruin the giver, shouldn't be a race to see who can give more, shouldn't provide one with yet another opportunity to show off one's wealth. And kids shouldn't become greedy about receiving red packets. There is the whole year for one to show one's family that one cares, why wait for the CNY?

One thing we agreed with Hub and the kids at the end of our stay was that a week is too short a time for visiting Singapore. There was so much I couldn't do, so many friends I couldn't meet up with, so many things I've yet to eat.

年年高升

Sticky rice cake dipped in egg and pan fried

We are coming to the end of the CNY - tomorrow? I fried my own sticky rice cake年糕 (offered by Hub's Chinese colleague) for the occasion, nudged the kids to let off a few of the harmless fireworks (to no avail), and will go to bed wondering what I could/should do next year to make CNY a more meaningful occasion for my kids and myself.

祝大家龙年大吉，身体健康，万事如意。

The Beauty of My Blog

Do you know what the beauty of my blog is?

No, not the lousy photos.

Nor the hastily written posts about food, visits or shopping.

My blog is beautiful because I let you say what you want in my comments section and unless you're peddling sex or drugs or are babbling about something totally irrelevant, I do not censor. If I disagree with you, and vice versa - we debate.

Is it not funny that you offer the right of reply to others, but they hide under their moderating weapon/tool and refuse to let you exercise this right?

And these people outwardly brandish the freedom of speech banner - but do not really have the courage to live with it. Or they go for the freedom of speech bit - as long as nobody can judge for himself the replies and counter-arguments that could have been.

Then they wonder why the others latch on to the hypocrisy of their country(men) and touted lofty beliefs and ideals. Why we wonder why they always seem to make a fuss over everything and yet nothing? Why they ignore the obvious and keep whinging about the irrelevant. Why they put words into your mouth and expect you to accept the illusion that they have created for themselves and for everyone else? I understand that one has the literary license to use hyperboles (aka exaggeration) to make one's stories sound funny and interesting, to make mundane things seem larger than life - but when you start putting words into someone's mouth...

Why whether they are left or right, liberal or conservative, educated or not, managed at the last minute to cram in 50 visits in a year or have never left their hometown - at the end of the day, it doesn't take much to reveal how gauche they are?

Why when you treat them with sincerity, they drug themselves with their own insecurities and try to pass them off as bravado. Throw your goodwill in your face? And then be proud that they couldn't look at others in the eye?

Ah, I hate injustice and especially la mauvaise foi...

Thought of the Day

I am not technologically savvy. At home, I write on the backs of pieces of paper (e.g. receipts, bank statements, school newsletters, publicity), bypassing the lovely agendas and other notepads that my illustrous Hub brings home occasionally, that I offer to my beautiful children to draw on.

Since my memory is bad, I do need to note down my appointments and I do so in a beautiful Ferrari leather-bound agenda kindly offered to me by Montezzemolo himself. While almost everyone I know has since moved on to an iPhone. I am at least 5 years away from this toy.

And appointments I have, for myself as for my children. Life is regulated, quite busy and almost very predictable - and don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. No longer, anyway.

I am starting to realise that it is a luxury, a gift not given to everyone, to have a life like mine. I am still reading Saviano's Gomorrah (hub reads the Italian version and me the English translation) and it's a riveting book. Not an easy book to read if you are used to smooth story-telling, but I feel that he is a powerful storyteller in the sense that he makes you think, analyse and feel as you read along. It's a different kind of involvement. And he doesn't just write about the mafia, but carried insights about lives, perspectives, going-ons in both the legal and criminal worlds, the overlaps...There is no black or white, no right or wrong, everything is intertwined, related, relative.

He has been very brave, putting his own life in danger by writing a book like this, though his life only really came into danger the day his book became such a success. For the more people reading it, the more numerous we are to be alerted to the problems that the mafia creates in our world. It is no longer a disease limited to the south of Italy. It has infested the north of the country, Germany, Spain, Holland, Portugal, France, the UK, the USA etc etc. And unlike Italy, most of the other countries are not adapted to dealing with the problem and will need to start changing their laws to be able to do so. The sooner the better.

Up till now, I have been pretty complacent. I don't do drugs, I do not visit prostitutes, I do not gamble (except for national lottery), I do not contribute to the mafia's 500 000 euros per day income from drugs alone. But now I know that the clothes and shoes I buy, certain processed foods I consume, my general apathy, could be feeding both the Chinese and Italian mafia and suddenly things are no longer as simple as they have always seemed to be. I wonder if we couldn't take an active conscious role and stand against certain things that we could maybe change collectively. That it's no longer enough to just not do something.

Anyway, life is interesting because there is hope that things would progress, become better. And it need not be economic or material in nature. I was thinking of my favourite Canto Pop stars who killed themselves in spite of their wealth and success and I know that life must have lost meaning for them because they haven't been able to find any purpose left in it. I told my children this morning in the car that they have only one life to live (it) well. They have been born lucky and must not take it for granted. Chances do not come by for everybody even when you're ready to seize them. Many a time you may have to create them yourself or just learn to be happy with your lot.

After Gommorah I would like to move on to Malitalia, a book written by 2 journalists giving the story from the side of the forces of law and order who combat the mafia on a daily basis, those Italians who live with it everyday. And after that I would love to find a book written if possible by those who actually belong to the clans. Often I wonder why they would want to earn all that money to not be able to live long enough to enjoy it anyway, to know that their children would not be born to a peaceful existence. They must have very different motivations from you and I.

I have also been thinking a little of Singapore's death penalty and especially our mandatory death sentence for drug trafficking. About a decade ago, I was one of its staunchest advocates. That was my Singaporean education and socialisation speaking - world in black and white, very good versus evil, missionary and Miss Hero. I was also paternalistic before I was even a parent myself and I couldn't understand even as I became one why Hub is always criticising me for overprotecting the children, for wanting to do everything for them.

As time goes by, I started feeling more and more uneasy about the death penalty. I wonder whether there could be justice in killing - even when you feel justified in doing so. To err, as we know, is human. And legal systems are more man-made than the waterfall in Jurong Bird Park. Death, on the other hand, is irreversible. Unless you know something that I don't.

And mandatory death for drug trafficking. I have zero tolerance for drugs. Not even marijuana for medical use. I'd rather play safe than be sorry. If you ask me, I am all for securing the frontiers : no drugs, no immigrants, no bugs, no viruses, no Chinese prostitutes, no fake bags, no haze from Indonesia...But no second chances, no room for doubt?

The thing is that everywhere, the real people trafficking are the small fries. Not the ones who really earn the money. And who sets the limits (e.g. 17g and above for heroin) for getting the death penalty, what's the rationale behind it? Prevention is better than cure, deterrence saves lives and society from ruin etc - but resisting drug use has to come from each and every one of us. Life is not like Social Security, life has to be lived. Do not keep your fine china in your cupboard because like me, you do not want to risk breaking it.

And I do not know about you. Besides worrying about terrorists planting bombs in my bags, I also get very nervous each time I travel though Singapore : fear of having my bags stuffed with drugs and getting sentenced to death for nothing. Am I the only paranoid around?

Insomniac Thoughts

From Gallery-in-China.com

As a Chinese growing up in Singapore, I have been brought up in a number of Chinese traditions and customs. Mom is one of those people who couldn't travel as and when she wants because she has prayers to perform, paper money to burn, food to offer to the Gods or the ancestors etc on certain days every Lunar month. I think that it is important to respect certain interesting traditions as they keep our history and customs alive and normally the family together.

Many years ago when I was researching for my Thesis, I vaguely remember learning that the Chinese moved towards an age of Enlightenment more or less at the same pace as the Europeans, but decided around the 15th Century to stop the process and stay with their holistic approach to life. After a Western education and a decade living with a very Cartesian Frenchman, I have become pretty good at linear and logical thought myself, but holism is still a part of me. I am very much an individual, but I am also part of my natural and social world, I often define myself in terms of my relation to the past (including my ancestors), my current existence and to the future (including my reincarnation).

Though of course people knowing me know that I usually cannot control my tongue, that I often explore (not just say) what I think. That's not very Chinese, since all through our history you get your heads chopped off if you do not know how to keep your opinions to yourself. That's why Chinese paintings are often about scenery (e.g. mountain, water, wind) and animals - though they often are not about scenery or animals, requiring one to look beyond what was painted to its real meaning all expressed in symbols. Chinese plays and literature are also strong in symbols - telling you about warring feudal lords, abusive monarchs, corrupt government officials etc through stories about drinking tea in tea houses, eating noodles in noodle houses, feuds in large rich familes and so on. Even war messages get passed on in mooncakes.

How many times have I to explain to the others that when one is offered something by a Chinese, try not to accept immediately as it would make one look greedy. And if your host is doing things correctly, he will push his offer in order to prove his sincerity at which point you may accept it and make everyone look good. It is of course a waste of time, so if I offer you something and you say no, you probably will not hear me offer it again.

The only thing most Chinese people feel very safe in talking about is food and money. The former probably as it is the surest source of comfort (and as Chinese food is usually good) and the latter as it is tangible and safer than politics. The Chinese restaurant owner here persists in asking me how much my husband earns and my late aunt each time I showed her something would ask me how much I paid for it. My parents believe in earning face by spending lavishly on others, and some of my relatives do the opposite counting their money like they could bring it to the grave. And kids are expected to support their parents in their old age, because life is a cycle - though if you think about it, no kid actually asks to be born in the first place.

In this vein, I actually get furious when I am approached by gipsy women or men brandishing children or pictures of them in supermarket carparks expecting me to feel sorry for them. I probably would have if I hadn't kids of my own. I wanted to tell them (and probably would one of these days) that they shouldn't have children if they couldn't support them. Children are not the tools of their trade, children need to be given a chance in life, a roof, an education, food, time, love and a future. And I don't buy the perpetuating of the human race bit - because studies have shown that we are overpopulating the planet. If our governments are telling us that we need to replace the population - it's economics. Then they will go to war and kill us off anyway.

Having said that, it was worth celebrating the day my brother became a father for the first time last month. Because he can afford it, will be a good father and will, I'm sure, try to raise a responsible person. Though at the same time, my sister lost her MIL and Chinese customs stepped in, threatening to tear our family apart instead of bringing us closer together.

You may know that part of Chinese superstition dictates that someone who has lost a close family member must not attend white or red events within 49 or 100 days depending on how they look at things. Mom, as usual being overly enthusiastic with her interpretations and being more orthodox than the Patriarch, got out of hand, starting to stop almost everyone from seeing the new baby. It is amazing how many reasons she managed to find for my dad, my sis etc from going near the baby, until my brother and his wife (with some nudging on my part) decided to risk her ire and tell her that they are not superstitious and would like to have said people visit their child. I am all for tradition - until it proves to tear a family apart instead of keeping it together.

I am writing this down - thoughts that filled my head when I was counting sheep last night to no avail.

Lotus and Singapore Musings

Esplanade - Theatres on the Bay

I was home for our 44th National Day this year - but didn't get to watch the parade. Hub couldn't seem to understand why anybody would want to watch a parade (especially on TV) and insisted that we dine out and then hunt for Eldest Son's ipod in Orchard Road that evening. Still, at 8:22pm I recited the Pledge aloud while waiting for the MRT at Serangoon MRT station - and was the only one to do so between the Circle Line tracks.

Should I feel embarassed? Yes, but not for myself. I was pissed off that those people young and old waiting for their trains just went on like nothing was happening. If they wouldn't recite the pledge in public, they could at least just drop whatever they were doing and listen it out.

I for one was glad not to have to recite the pledge everyday when I left JC. But I welcome the opportunity to do so on the 9th of August at 8:22pm knowing that I would be doing so with so many other Singaporeans at home and abroad. It made us look like Communists (according to some Foreigners) but then if you think about it, Singapore was part of Socialist International till 1976 and had resigned before it could be expelled. Since then it has pursued Socialism albeit the Singapore way at the same time as what looked like free-market economic policies - creating a wealthy capitalist state with weirdly socialist preoccupations like free public schools, subsidised public housing, healthcare etc.

I read this as uniquely Singaporean practical idealism. It churns out a practical materialistic society with strangely idealistic goals (e.g. "good" society, family values, meritocracy etc). The Pledge is a reflection of our ideals (e.g. united people, democratic society, justice, equality...), while the slow progress towards its attainment could be due to our very practical way of doing things (or some would argue that it was the Government's fault, whose else?). And like every relationship in life, be it with family, friends, spouses or even neighbours - one has to keep working on it and never take anything for granted. This call to pledge was a wake-up call for me and if there were people who bothered to organise it (whatever their reasons), I was happy to meet them half-way.

Is Singapore a nation yet? I don't really know, but I have always felt myself to be Singaporean first and Chinese second. And I do not refer to myself as an Overseas Chinese - but as an Overseas Singaporean. I am all for the liberation of Tibet and am disappointed that Hong Kong didn't become independent like us. But I am also proud of my Chinese roots and am sorry that I have not paid more attention to the language or culture.

When I arrived at Changi Airport, the Malay immigration officer told me that she felt like a 2nd-class citizen in her own country. I have noticed myself that in the past decade, the number of Mainland Chinese in the country has increased significantly. And while they filled in many positions that needed to be filled, they also deflate the already low wages in certain sectors making it difficult for Singaporeans who remain in those jobs. And not many of them actually integrate nor could really speak English. I was told that even in the SSAF they have their own Chinese company since they could not understand Hokkien or Singlish. LOL

On a personal level I shouldn't have any problems with them since I am fluent in Mandarin. But still, on a few occasions I actually was quite irritated. For example, I went to this Japanese Foodcourt at Tampines Mall and tried to order Japanese Rice with Curry - in English. The guy cooking and taking orders looked at me and said in Mandarin, "Please speak Mandarin." I started apologizing and then with a shock wondered why I did so. In Paris you wouldn't ask the French to speak African, would you?

Similarly, I was at Bedok Reservoir and stopped a lady to ask for a bus to Tampines. I started speaking and then she told me she couldn't understand me. I had to speak Mandarin. Same story at Orchid Country Club, the pool cleaner couldn't understand English! I also felt that it's not so shiok speaking to a Chinese person who couldn't understand Cantonese or Hokkien. But that's just me.

Still, being a descendant of Chinese migrants myself I suppose I should be more understanding and tolerant towards the new migrants. And perhaps it would be more important for existing Singaporeans to cultivate more graciousness instead of worrying about the new migrants and whether we need them or not. It has come to my attention that some Singaporeans were making noise about maids using the pools at condominiums and country clubs and how that would reduce the exclusivity of such places. I find it embarassing that people should even harbour such thoughts. Aren't maids human beings? Are they not entitled to leisure or pleasure too? If they live and work in the condos, I do not see why they shouldn't be allowed to use the pool like everyone else - as long as they do not bring in their own guests (since they didn't pay for the conservancy charges etc). Some Singaporeans are starting to give themselves self-importance in the wrongest domains and losing sight of the things that make us human - compassion being one of them.

I was also thinking that we seem to be moving away from a generation of elites who grew up from among the population to a generation of elites who probably sprouted from the present or last generation of elites. The top-down governance that Singapore has often been criticised for would surely be accentuated in the future. Ironically our meritocratic system, the constant streaming at schools etc could create a blatant chasm between those who have academic ability and those who don't - and decide early on who may succeed and who may not in the mainstream. In the last trip, I was quite surprised to discover a whole population of Bengs and Lians "hiding" in the neighbourhoods. I grew up in a neighbourhood myself - but was lifted out of the popular culture by education. And for some reason assumed that they (i.e. the Bengs) would one day cease to exist.

The musical about money

Finally, I went to the Esplanade Theatre to catch the Sing Dollar musical. I love the durian architecture (though I can't stand the fruit) and was impressed with the all boys group singing a cappella in the main hall before the show. Critics claim that like everything else in Singapore, the Arts scene is staid and boring - but I say that given our late start and multi-culturalism (neither here nor there), we're not doing too badly. In any case I love Kumar (next time I must catch his one-man show at the 3 Monkeys) and the trio who make up the Tim Sum Dollies, though I wish this musical didn't have so many...songs. I would have preferred more sketches.

Emerald Place

I have visited the new Ion Orchard (do we need another mall?), took pictures at Emerald Hill (me too I'm into Peranakan nowadays) and shopped. I went to a few Temples with mom and renewed myself with rites I took for granted when I was a child. Now that my parents are ageing, I wanted to find out what they would like me and my siblings to do for them when they leave this world.

Singapore Buddhist Lodge (free vegetarian food everyday for all)

Tai Pek Yun - opposite my Primary School housing today the Indian International School

Going back to Singapore gets more and more difficult over the years. It's not just the increasing financial cost, but the heavier heart with which I find my country - knowing that I have been and am missing out so much on my parents, siblings and their children; knowing that I am increasingly out of touch with things happening in Singapore; knowing that my children will be further away from Singapore the older we become and I daresay that Singapore's refusal to allow children born out of 2 cultures to embrace dual nationalities is a contributing factor. If a couple separate, do their kids really have to choose between them? If you are made up of 2 nationalities, will choosing one of them on paper allow you to ignore your other half? I am so Singaporean but I cannot encourage my children to be like me - knowing that they would not be able to keep both nationalities (and they have always lived in Europe). I would have encouraged my sons to serve NS if they could keep both nationalities and this could open up opportunities for them to choose Singapore as their home one day even if until now because of their father they couldn't do so. Why spend so much money trying to get Overseas Singaporeans to return - when right from the beginning options for our mixed blood descendants are closed?

My new Ferragamo sandals

My dad would say in Cantonese now that I'm "spouting Jesus". It suddenly occurred to me when I was waiting for a bus with my parents last week that for the longest time, the Cantonese have always used that to describe someone who is longwinded. Haha, the proselyting Protestants have been part of our local landscape for much longer than I could even remember!

Majullah Singapura! I wish all Singaporeans and those who love us lots of happiness, prosperity and progress in the years to come.

Homework

The Cat Princess

Under pressure from MIL and the Hub (and myself, of course), I tried a few months back to get Baby Girl to work on her letters and numbers. In another age I would have, like my mother when I was a kid, corrected the fact that she was incapable of doing anything with a few strokes of the cane. Like I did when I was teaching Eldest Son to learn (actually we didn't have a choice as he had to read and write within 3 months of starting Grade 1). But even I am capable of moving with the times.

I was furious when I realised that she couldn't do anything. And I am sure that kids her age are more than capable of learning since I have my own niece (younger by 6 months) as an example. But then I decided (against myself) to let her be. I knew somehow that she will learn better when she's ready. Every child is ready at his or her own pace. And I didn't want to be upset all the time with her.

Interestingly, in France since 1957, teachers are normally advised against giving homework to the younger children. Being a socially-responsible society, they didn't want the gap between kids who have parents capable of helping them with homework and those who don't to widen. In fact, if a teacher has to give a child homework, it must not be something new but be based on something that the child has already learnt in class. In reality, this is rarely respected, of course. In the better schools, homework is a part of life.

A respected child psychologist wrote recently that there is no point giving homework to a child before the age of 9 or 10. For the simple reason that homework affects the relationship between parent and child.

I think she wasn't far off because I remember now that my relationship with Eldest Son had gone really downhill ever since he started school. And if there is one thing stopping me from having a 4th child (besides age, wealth and weight), it's homework. For a few years now, each time I see the boy, I would ask him, "Have you any homework? Have you finished your homework?" And I'm starting to do the same to Baby Girl...

But like many parents especially those who from one generation to another have moved from poverty and illiteracy to a better life and who have tasted the freedom that education could bring, it is difficult to not want to help the children succeed. I personally am thankful to my mom for always hanging around with her cane and assessment books pushing me to do well academically. But I am a different child from my own children.

So it all boils down to doing so intelligently and productively which is really difficult. And I am a failure when it comes to this.

Anyway, all this to say that 2 days ago, out of curiosity, I gave Baby Girl a simple Maths worksheet that freaked her out just a few months ago. I was surprised to see her take to it like fish in water. She finished all of it without my forcing her I guess probably because she could do it now.

No, it doesn't mean that I'm going to give her more work now. I never thought I'd ever say it, but I'm happy to see her play. Childhood does fly by so quickly. Besides she'll learn better when she's happy. And if you see her draw, you'll know that she has a talent for it. Maybe she'll be an artist like her paternal grandmother.

Teaching and Assessment

Yesterday we attended an Assessment Workshop for the MYP organised by the school. I am happy with the philosophy behind it, as I share the belief that we should assess for learning. In one of the insightful books I've read last summer (as part of the Feuerstein's Instrumental Enrichment Programme that Eldest Son went through), my guru criticised the classic assessment system for assessing only for knowledge and not for the learning/thinking process. The MYP is avant-garde so knowledge will only constitute part of the final grades. The assessor will also take into consideration other factors like

• thinking/reflection
• communication/oral
• investigating/learning patterns
• peer/self assessment

They also believe that one's performance should reflect the evolution of one's learning process, i.e. one should do better with each assessment - so the final grade will not be a simple average of all the grades, but reflect the improvement obtained towards the end of the assessment year.

I do have a little doubt though about the implied subjectivity of/in this assessment process. Teachers after all are human. And alot of emphasis is placed on teaching to think.

Learning and teaching = both sides of the same coin.

Still, learning is a subjective and slow process. Children have different learning capacities, speeds and motivation. Some thrive under pressure, others wilt. Some have problems like Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, ADHD etc. Family, social and other environments do affect learning. So if we use a more personalised learning process and a more holistic assessment process on them, we should theorectically give them a better chance to learn better.

At some point we had a Classic Education vs IBO discussion. Most of us are victims products of the classic education system (though it differs largely in different countries). Some still believe in it but have a few doubts nonetheless, I prefer the middle path, others seem to be happy converts though I sensed a certain romantisation of the IBO e.g. someone asked why anybody should dictate what we learn for classical Literature. I wanted to point out that whether it's public school, IBO, Steiner, Montessori or Home schooling, someone will be deciding what you learn for Literature. The major difference probably is how you learn it and how much of what.

I played the devil (as usual) by implying (or I could have said it) that maybe the MYP system's a little light in substance. Most disagreed loudly saying there's more to just pure knowledge/information e.g. "History shouldn't only be about dates", "Do you remember what you have learnt in the past?". I totally agree with them, though I did wonder if they weren't indirectly agreeing with the statement after all.

And I wondered about the person who left school thinking History's only about dates (and therefore linear?), since I never did (not even when I was 14) and in any case wouldn't remember dates even then. But boy have I had fun with the subject, it has given me some of my dreams/motivations when I was a teenager. And History is NOT linear, btw.

Anyway as far as I'm concerned both systems have their merits and demerits. Ceteris paribus both will come out with both successful and nondescript products - all of whom should find their niche in this world.

In any case, people who put children in International Schools move around (though increasingly local populations are attracted to the philosophy) and are relatively successful. So by definition, IS children belong to a world apart and are usually not destined to be Esselunga cashers or your friendly neighbourhood postman. And kids who have access to education in general should count themselves lucky because there are millions out there who don't.

But if the International School child came from a very different system and may have to return to it in the future, that's when the headache comes in. MIL's still very upset that the kids may have to repeat a school year if we return to France (c.ref. the September 1st dateline for which they make exceptions for the Italians but not for the French plus across the school today there are quite a number of other exceptions). Otherwise my kids are happy in the school and that for me is the most important. I have lived with parents' expectations and know how they felt. As such, I will not burden my children with too many any. Just want them to be balanced, educated, cultured individuals (OK - and not lose out too much if possible).

Finally a mother made a really insightful comment about some people who went through the classic education system with great success having a condescending attitude towards those who didn't and yet not being able to flow with the times etc. True, and it doesn't help with both groups not speaking the same language. I have a fascination for intellectuals (used to have crushes on my professors) but I suspect that they live on another planet most of the time. Still it's not given for everyone to survive any education system, if they are pleased with themselves, surely one can understand. Myself, I am hard on others, but I'm usually even harder with myself.

I think I ''failed'' our last exercise in the MYP workshop. Had to draw something without using words. My drawing sucks so I started out without words but took a short-cut and wrote anyway. Will have to remember instructions better the next time!

Charity

I was 12 and waiting for my school bus at the HDB void deck near my school. We were early and after skipping rope with 2 girlfriends for a quarter of an hour, we decided to visit the Buddhist-run Old Age Home nearby. If I've had a PSP maybe I wouldn't have moved.

As a child I spent most of my time with my maternal grandpa and many afternoons had been spent around other ah peks (old uncles). But I've never really seen helpless old people before and the visit to the Old Age Home had been a revelation.

I still remember walking into a room filled with beds. An old lady had shitted on the floor and was calling out for help but somehow nobody came. There were people everywhere, yet every one of them seemed to be in his/her own lonely world. I told my 12-year old self that I would not leave old people alone if I could help it.

When I entered Junior College, I joined the Interact Club. I chose to work with the Elderly and was assigned as Volunteer (both organisation and action) with a neighbourhood Social Service Centre. I was to remain there for 6 years, offering on average 2 days a week of my time, till just before I left Singapore for Paris to do my Post-Grad.

Last year I bumped into Sally - a fellow volunteer. A few weeks back, still on my trip searching for former teachers and lecturers, I discovered that Sudha Nair who was the Director of the SSC when I was a volunteer there is now a Professor teaching Social Service (specialising in Family Violence) at the University. I have alot of respect for Sudha. She was fair, professional, brilliant, inspiring and most of all - kind. I've learnt alot from her (she trained us) and if today I'm not one to sit around waiting for things to happen, I believe that it came partly from my years volunteering with the Elderly, with people you wanted to befriend in the last years of their life.

At our last PTA meeting, we discussed whether we should accord a part of our funds (if we have any - mind you) to charity. As usual I acted on gut feeling and spoke out, saying that I would personally prefer not to give money. Not that I've not given money to charity, but since we already pay 50% of our income to the Government (who's supposed to do the re-distributing), I usually do so if it's tax deductible (question of principle). Besides, all those years I've spent on development studies have taught me that donors' funds rarely reach their destinees in the proportion that they should, so in short, I've lost some faith in organised charities. And how many people bother to go in-depth on the history, philosophy, administration and development of the charities they wanted to support beyond the marketing pamphlets or press coverage that they have access to?

More importantly, my concept of charity is not based on cash. I remember vividly the story in Luke where we were told that it's not the absolute amount that we can give to those in need that counts - but what the gift would cost the giver in terms of personal sacrifice. Charity to me is the giving of the self and the sharing of hope and faith. It is not a linear (probably incidental and patronising) act but one that comes back in a full circle meaning that it has to involve conscious choice and a certain humility. It has to mean something to the giver - so that it would also mean something to the person who receives. And receiving is sometimes not as easy as we think. We tend to ignore that.

As such, it would be good if the children should be involved in the act of charity and not just watch (if at all) their parents write out a cheque to those who need it (though as we say beggars shouldn't be choosers). If a child has to pick out a toy that he likes (and not just something that he doesn't want any more) and make a choice to offer it to someone who has less than himself (for that he has to understand the concept of having vs not having and the fact that having is not always necessary), he would learn more about sharing than simply finding a suitable recipient for things he does not need. Like an afterthought.

It is of course difficult to draw a line between altruism and the feeling of obligation, peer pressure or duty that goes towards the act of doing good. But whatever it is, I suppose more importantly one should want to do it.

In the course of my 13 years in Europe I've often toyed with the idea of returning to volunteering. But I haven't - because if I have to be honest, my heart is not in it. I am still trying to figure out the reason. Could it be because I felt no affinity with the inhabitants of the continent? That I prefer charity as a civil organisation rather than the often religious or state-sponsored entities in existence? Or even that it doesn't have to be a regular, organised thing - just something you do here and there when you encounter a need that you can help to address?

Je ne sais pas. But what I do know is that charity starts at home. And I'll try to do just that - for now.

Parent-Teacher Meetings and Class Rep Musings

As a parent, I look forward to meeting the teachers. So much so that the few days leading to the meetings saw me throwing the kids dirty *you-watch-out* looks every now and then. This was reminiscent of those days when Yours Truly was a kid herself and often ended up being punished after her dear mother (don't start getting upset, mom) had met her teachers.

Eldest Son apparently told some of his teachers that his last day on earth was round the corner. But times have changed. Teachers nowadays are incarnations of zen, goodwill and positive thinking. They do not usually tell you anything that'll want to make you punish your child(ren). Not that I want to punish my children, of course. I know that I have the reputation of being a very hard mother, but I'm also a very indulgent one. I swing both ways - like most scorpions do.

I had great interviews with all of the teachers. The meetings were well organised. Baby Boy has this sweet, feminine English Rose teacher who had only good things to say of the boy. He works well, is attentive, obedient, interested in what's going on around him, is popular with the rest of the children, has an enquiring mind and displays leadership qualities. But of course he's also a very short-tempered and impatient child and will need to work on acquiring more patience.

I have mentioned at the beginning of the year that Baby Girl's new teacher seemed nice and competent and so she is. On top of that, she's cute. In just a few weeks the girl is really progressing in her reading and is really keen to work all the time on her letters and pronunciation. She is a perfectionist and is good at listening and observing. As usual she needs to overcome her shyness and lack of confidence in order to take risks and do better - which is why I'm more or less leaving her to work with her loving doting father and not be tempted to scream at her. (Why? Because my niece who's 6 months younger can read, write and count in 2 languages for a few months already and I'm trying hard not to compare.) So, if this continues, I have hope that Baby Girl'll be able to start reading, writing etc before the school year is out.

Every time I bump into the kids' Italian teacher, she would wax lyrical about them. I told her that she mustn't have gotten the right kids, but she was very insistent about it. Was told that Eldest Son had great ideas and was making good progress in the language. I must admit that I was a little floored when I asked her why his conjugations in Italian were inexistent - and she answered that that was because he hadn't been taught them yet. And we've been accusing him of lying to us about it! Oops.

Eldest Son has been diagnosed with Dyspraxia when he was last in Singapore and his teachers have been very kind about it, trying their best to make sure that he gets help in understanding questions, instructions and directives. He needs help in order to be less easily distracted and he has difficulty organising himself - otherwise, he has no problems with learning and can do just as well if not better than most of his peers.

I've had a few issues about the type of homework that he'd been given in the last few weeks that I've aired with the teachers concerned. As usual they have been receptive and have tried to explain their working rationale. Like everyone else, I have my own philosophy and experience(s) where education is concerned, so while I may not always see eye to eye with the school they know that I do appreciate the exchange(s) and am looking forward to achieving greater understanding of their programme.

Time, as we know, flies. We've already reached half term! The kids are on a short break next week and I must say that I appreciate the school calendar giving them short breaks here and there. Eldest Son, malgré lui, has been working hard and will need to have some play time.

Myself, now that I am a Class Rep, have to give some thought to my new role. As far as I know, I am there to organise opportunities for the mothers to meet up, exchange, socialise. They may eventually have questions, concerns, opinions related or not to their children and the group will be there to help in some way, but most of all, provide a listening ear. Because individual problems are otherwise best addressed individually with the school as we all know.

Exchange and debate, agreeing to disagree contribute to a certain transparency. Expat mothers do not spend their days shopping, and while some cultures advocate sipping tea and just making polite gossip correct behaviour, others accept and even encourage dissent and debate. We are in an international setting, we have different ways of dealing with or looking at the same things, and so be it.

More importantly, whatever has been discussed will not leave my meetings if I can help it. Someone from the PTA is around to help mediate if necessary and if the group should wish to make a collective request (nothing personal though) to the school, then myself or the PTA can transmit it.

I've learnt that in a group setting (unless it's too uniform - not our case), group dynamics are made in such a way that there are always people who will agree or disagree with one another so somehow things will even out in their own way. So the freer the discussion, the fairer it would usually be. Truths and untruths will sort themselves out. Just keep an open mind and do not be aggressive. The Chinese say that criticism is a caress. I complain about the Hub (just as I would praise him) but it doesn't mean that I do not love him. And he is confident enough about himself not to worry about it.

Having said all that, my 1st group meeting was all friendly conversation and an encouraging start. I am working out what we should do and eat in our coming one. How about Japanese?

Why do YOU keep a Blog?

Why do I keep a blog?

It's a trend and I'm oh so trendy.

I've been keeping my blog for more than 2 years now. It's a lazy way to keep friends and family informed of what I've been up to.

I enjoy putting thoughts, recipes or events out for comment.

Blogging helps me remember. Age doesn't.

I need to write. It helps me relax. Often I just start a post not really knowing what I want to say and then it takes a life of its own.

I've been to school and they taught me writing. I don't use spellcheck. When in doubt, I use a dictionary.

I've always wanted to do an intellectual/political blog - but too often the stomach takes precedence.

A few friends started their blogs after mine. I've made friends through my blog. We often worry that bloggers in real are not like their blogs at all, but it's not easy maintaining a public persona that's very different from your private one over a sustained period of time, so we should be what we write. Or eat, for that matter.

Eat I mention, for most of the blogs I frequent are food-related blogs. And many are owned by fellow Singaporeans or Malaysians. We blog about food, our lives and sometimes also our thoughts.

Needless to say, I do fear exposing myself too much in public. Many were shocked that I publish pictures of my children, my house...There are after all lots of loony people out there.

But the need to share is probably greater than the fear, which in any case shouldn't be allowed to dictate our lives. And as long as one takes responsibility for one's musings and doesn't care about the judgement of those who do not matter...

I love learning from the other blogs. Watching the new ones take flight...

I remember the first day I met Pris in Stuttgart. As we were exchanging phone numbers and email, I asked her, "Do you have a blog?" So she did and even though we're no longer living in the same city today, we still catch up with one another through our respective blogs. She's having fun and her cooking has taken flight.

Su found me through my blog and she has her own too. So I could follow her whether she's in Stuttgart, Singapore or Bangalore.

Over here in Italy, fellow Singaporeans like E in Turin and A in Padova have their own blogs. I'm very bad with phoning people, do not have the time, preferring to communicate through writing. When friends have blogs that's how I keep up with what they're up to between calls or visits. I do not know if it's the same for you, but very often when I see a friend with a blog whom I've not seen for a long time, I do not usually feel the distance. Guess I've been following his or her life from my own home.

A few of Hub's friends have taken to following my blog so as to keep track of what we're up to as a family. Mothers in Stuttgart followed my blog and were happy to find themselves occasionally mentioned or featured. Lotus doesn't blog about everything and anybody, being mentioned is often a sign of being in her thoughts. Often in a good way, of course.

Over here in Modena, I have it that I am a subject of discussion among those who know of my blogging activity. Some fear having me around in case I should blog about some person or event (*grin*). Like I'm Pandora's Box.

This honestly doesn't bother me, on the contrary, it rather amused me.

Yet people couldn't possibly treasure privacy more than myself - after all I do have a Hub in an important position in these parts. A friend here suggested that the fear could be cultural. Or because these people are unfamiliar with blogging. Or they may simply be insecure. Or they are control freaks. Or simply because they just love to bitch. Or some imagine that should I ever mention them, it'd be in a negative light - therefore they whinge about it beforehand.

Some are angry that I mention other people in my blog. Though how not to mention others since live alone I do not, I'm still trying to figure out.

Having said that, people are entitled to their own opinions and a prioris.

OK, I digress. So I blog because bloggers form a community of some sort. There is inspiration, support, information, ideas, beauty e.g. lovely photography. There is voyeurism, voyages, videos, memes, lucky draws and even cookies exchange.

And why do you blog? (This is like a meme in free form - in case you should wonder.)

The Right Not To Suffer Pain

I gave birth to 3 kids without any epidural. But it was a choice, me having quite a thing for pain and all. OK, the truth is that I was more afraid of having the big needle in my back than the pain from birthing and giving birth as I had suspected was all the faster when one could feel the pain.

Nevertheless, I am all for being given a choice : epidural or no epidural. Nobody should have to suffer pain if they do not want to. We all have the right not to suffer pain. Or so I thought.

I found out the other day that over here in Modena, an Italian friend would be giving birth this Summer without epidural through no choice of her own. Her clinic told her that it would be too expensive to hire an anaesthetist just for her. She could have chosen a clinic that could offer her this choice but those clinics who do often do not have a neonatology or neonatological reanimation service. In addition to that, until about 2 years ago, up to 6 women could be sharing the same ward after childbirth. Now, it would be 2 to a room. To think that I gave birth to all 3 in public hospitals in Paris and had always had a room all to myself - without having to pay a single extra cent for it. Spent our life complaining about the French medical system but finally it's really not so bad after all.

In 2004 I lost my paternal aunt and my father-in-law to cancer. This year, from the look of things, I would be losing my maternal aunt and a cousin of my dad's to more cancer. And cancer is synonymous with pain. Would their right not to suffer pain be respected? I sincerely hope so. Please do not let them suffer pain.

A Busy Morning

Early Easter Greetings to Everybody!

Baby Boy turns FOUR today! Though if I'm busy this morning, it was not because of that. I had to tidy up the house a minimum as Irina would be here at 8am to clean. I must say that I've had reservations about her at the beginning with all that I've heard about her, but I'm used to her now, she's a kind person if somewhat clumsy and I like her. It helps too that I've moved all my valuables out of the house (haha).

I had to get the Easter presents for the teachers ready. Yes, I came across a few lovely Art plates (Renoir, Gauguin, Monet, Van Gogh...) yesterday when I was out looking for the usual rabbits and hens and eggs and though tempted to keep them for myself, got the Babies (or rather just Baby Girl as she insisted on doing it for everybody) to help fill them with straw and chocolate eggs and make a few drawings for their teachers. Children should learn to give and not just receive. And this way they will grow into giving adults. Though they should not be like my mom. If you let her she would give half the house away. I've always suspected that she's always buying stuff so that she could give them away. She takes too much joy in giving.

No prizes for guessing who I had to give this one to!

I've been busy also because we had an appointment with JA the School Principal! Yes, over the issue everyone knows about now since I've been ranting about it.

I had been warned about how if I continue to complain about the school it may fall back on my children (like the mafia hehe). Not to the school's credit if people believe that you could get sanctioned for opening your mouth. But these minds do not understand that Lotus was ranting for herself (not for the others), she was complaining because she felt she had reason to do so and also as she had felt at that time that she wasn't being listened to. More importantly though, they do not have Lotus' faith in the Head of the school's good sense and professionalism. Why would you want to take out on the kids you were supposed to educate and mold into better people? Unless you do not believe in what you are doing and get sidetracked easily. For all my ranting, I have more faith in the school than that. And it doesn't look like JA in any case.

I believe in dialogue. And at the same time, I have a blog that is my diary albeit a public one. That's how I keep friends and family informed without having to repeat myself. So you may get to read the progress (or not) of any dialogue I may have with anybody. But don't abuse.

With JA, it had been a positive morning. For once, somebody in the school listened to what we had to say. For once somebody tried to explain things to us and not ask us to just accept without understanding. Our concerns were real and we just needed help to address them within what the school can do for all of its students. And she has promised that she would do her best. And she is someone who keeps her word and who can make things happen. I believe in her.

Then as I've expected, mention was made of my blog. Folks, I'm getting really known in these parts. LOL

She said I should remove pictures of children etc taken in the school. Fair enough. To tell the truth, I knew about it but was just waiting for somebody to come tell me :-). Though mothers out there may understand if I say that I only see my own kids in them. A mother's eyes is not the same. But still, I apologise.

Because in this place more than anywhere else (I had the blog when I was in Germany and mothers there read it too), people read your blog but they do not talk to you either through it or in person. They go to other people and expect the other person(s) to do something about it. In Chinese, we call it killing with a borrowed sword. OK, I exaggerate.

And better still, a few of these people either do not know how to read or didn't read what I had to say thoroughly, or they are somehow incapable of figuring things out themselves in a logical way. Of course, you may want to tell me that my English sucks.

For example, some read of Baby Girl having to do an extra year in Pre-school because of the school's cut-off date. That is our case because we came from the French system. They panicked and started to call the Principal about it thinking that their kids too were affected. Why didn't they (1) check out the school's policy clearly stated on the website for themselves, (2) look at their own child's age and past schooling experience and calculate whether it really affects them too, (3) come check with me so that I may explain for myself - can't speak for the others, right?

Because this policy should only affect people coming from countries like France and Italy where the cut-off date is 31st December and where kids go to Primary One in their 6th year. The English and Americans are usually not affected as the IS system is similar to theirs and the Swedes actually gain a year as they only start P1 at the age of 7. Get it? Whatever it is, it's none of my business, I was only concerned with mine so take it as you wish.

Anyway, for those of you who have been following the saga, I have gotten past the black and white bits of the issue and am coming to accept things as they need to be. It doesn't seem bad to tell the truth. The school has new premises, it has a new curriculum and philosophy (IB), new and good leadership, the teachers are kind and motivated and the children are happy. There are things in the curriculum to iron out as far as I'm concerned (though I know everyone has his ideas and we can't all be accommodated) and the current Principal is always open to ideas and comments so that's a good start. And I really like most of the mothers I am in contact with and I have fun doing things with them.

I am an open book, I am exposed, but at least what you see is what you get. Though do resist the temptation to push blame on me for things I didn't say or do or for what people misunderstand or misinterpret (that's their responsibility, isn't it?) simply because everybody knows I'm vocal, have opinions and have a blog. Because I may end up the last person to know about it but don't we all finish by knowing about everything? And then...(devil's horns)

I want to thank my friends for their private and public words of encouragement and to JA for listening to me in person. Blogging is something still rather foreign to many people and can cause unease, but once you get used to it, it'll be easier to live with. Just wait and see. :-)

Attention to ALL Visitors

My blog is my open diary. I am sharing with all who visit my life, what I cook and eat, how I feel, some of my thoughts, the good and bad moments, some of my views and perceptions etc.

I believe that I live in a free world. I do not censor others and I do not expect to be censored. Everyone has to be responsible for what they write. I publish some of my thoughts, feelings and/or perceptions and if I didn't invite you to read my blog but you happen to read it, you are still more than welcome to hang around.

Though there is an important rule as far as I'm concerned. If you disagree with what I write, I invite you to :

1. Clarify with me (so that there would be no misunderstandings)


2. Tell me that you disagree with me (so that we could discuss, debate etc and if I take your point, I will consider apologising or changing my content)


3. Share with me your own views, thoughts, feelings and perceptions

But whatever you do, please do not go behind my back spreading word of my blog or what you have read on it, catching hold of people you think were being mentioned or discussed and "attacking" them so that out of embarrassment they have to come and ask me to remove any trace of them (when I already do not mention names in my blog) from my posts.

Modena is a small society and the expat community even more so. What goes about comes around. If I can mention something in my blog, then I am not worried that it should be read. But it is irritating hearing whispers from people talking to me about defamation and repercussions.

For goodness' sake, what kind of world do you think you are living in? Watching too many Big Brother movies? What happened to logic, clarity of thought, standing by what you believe in?

Lately I've been talking about the admissions policy of my kids' school based on age (1st September cut-off date). This is a fact. You can find this policy on their marketing and publicity.

The fact that they make exceptions for Italian children seeking to enter Middle School (31st December dateline and not 1st September like for the others) is on their website.

That when I emailed to discuss the problem and they could only stand by their age policy, I have the emails.

That Baby Girl could count to 10 in 3 languages 2 years ago I have her teachers' report from the previous school.

That Baby Boy couldn't write in a straight line, I had voiced it to the teacher yesterday (not just talk behind her back on my blog) and she had reassured me that she'd be able to show me work proving that the boy is doing much better than I imagined - fair enough. I am relieved.

That Eldest Son hadn't done any Science thus far, the teacher told me yesterday they would have a Science project next term - great!

That another family may homeschool their children (actually they are happy in general with the school but are stressed out with the one-year-behind situation due to the age policy) - I apologise, it is true that the community is small, so even if I do not mention names, a few smart asses can still guess and will not hesitate to confront the family in question and embarrass them. And in any case, I should keep discussions like these between us and not announce it on the Net. I AM SORRY.

Then, if because I open my mouth (and many people out there, if they are not being hypocritical, know that we are not the only family unhappy over a few things, and they certainly have been complaining themselves though not like me on a blog) my children get discriminated against (many are talking about repercussions!), then remember that we are from the enlightened world and if a school, its staff or parents should do that, then their actions will speak for themselves and if they can live with it, then so must I. But whatever it is, I will not be intimidated.

Finally, what is the point of complaining about anything behind anybody's back? If you really want things to be changed, then you have to present your disatisfaction to the person concerned. He may or may not do anything about it, but at least he will be in the know. That is only fair.