We were at the notary's office in Paris signing the paperwork to sell our old flat and buy a new one (at the same time). The real estate agent (with his posh aristocratic name) started to give us information about our new flat.
"The main door's digicode is 4539..." Then he looked at me and added,
"You wouldn't know it, but that's the timeline for WW2 - in reverse order."
I had to say something, don't you think so?
"It may not look like it, but I did graduate from Sciences Po* and I have a DEA** in International Relations."
I probably look dumb because almost all my life I would have people come to me to tell me they were surprised I did so well at school (meaning they thought I was dumb), that nobody knew I was a 2-time Scholar and then the HOD didn't want me in Honours Year because I was too direct and "lacked class".
Now people exclaimed when they saw my house (like they expected me to live in a dump) and double exclamation when they knew who my Hub was - like how could a guy like him marry a girl like me? Sigh...
You realise then that we really place too much on appearances all the time and have little respect for substance or sincerity. And most people tend to look at things in black and white and live with too many a prioris or stereotypes.
I know that I should be less clumsy and incorrect and show at all times what a great education I've had. But school doesn't always teach you what life will and does and it doesn't dictate what your heart tells you you should do and go for. And I am and have always been comfortable with who I am - no matter what others may think of me.
For example, I may be loud - but I don't snitch on others nor do I carry tales. I may not be elegant - but I know what integrity is and I stand by what I say or believe in.
Recently I have once again (unwittingly) offended somebody. And if you care to believe me, someone out there is trying to use this occasion to make me look bad, playing on my notoriety for being incorrect.
At a recent Mothers' Lunch, a serious, respected, reliable and intelligent mother was telling us about her work at the school. I had of course got to butt in and play the fool, asking her what she thought of my dearest child whom she sees a few times a week in the course of her work. Her face fell immediately and she answered that she wasn't the person I should talk to on the subject, shouldn't I discuss this with the teacher instead?
OK, I may be bonkers but certainly I haven't lost it yet. Of course I've talked to the teacher (a real pearl) and I certainly wasn't expecting her to give me a report about my son in front of 10 other mothers over lunch. It was a social question and I was expecting a fun answer, in the vein of, "He's sooo cute..." (which he is) or "I'm not telling you..." (which would be cheeky). OK, but to be fair, almost nobody shares my twisted sense of humour.
Anyway I am sharing this with you my friends because I have it on the grapevine that this incident that I had already forgotten about is apparently causing distress and embarrassment to the person in question. I have it that because of this, she wouldn't want to attend any future coffee mornings or lunches (especially if I should be around - I imagine) in case some idiot like myself should start interrogating her about the child(ren)!!! Knowing her, she wouldn't be the person to go around telling the world this (she's very discreet - as you must have gotten it by now), but someone else who was present at that Mothers' Lunch must have been snitching on us - as usual.
OK, I hate to put such a nice person like this mother in such a position. I realised now that what I thought was just social talk (we really do have to watch what we say, don't we?) was considered incorrect and clumsy by other people. And I have to respect that whether I like it or not.
So what should I do? Apologise to her? One-to-one or in public? Personally or via email?
I'm a big girl, I can do this correctly. Right?
*Aka L'Institut d'Etudes Politiques de Paris
**Equivalent to a "Master 2" today
7 commentaires:
I dont see the need to apologize. You didnt even say anything off the wall or offensive.
Maybe you could just send an email saying, Hey I hope I didnt make you uncomfortable by that comment. I didnt mean anything. I was kidding.
Makes sense?
I wouldn't apologise either. It's not your fault she lacked a sense of humour and misinterpreted your question and certainly not your fault things have escalated to such a state because of a snitch. If she wants to avoid you, that's her perogative and loss.
Eh, she's not the wife of Hub's boss is she? :P
And another thing.... please DO NOT change anything about your personality. It is precisely the way you are that I treasure you so as a friend. You are right about some people being so polished on the outside but lack integrity on the inside. Looks can be so deceiving. If people can't look past your veneer, then they are not the sort you should be looking at either.
Btw, where did you find the puppy pic from????!!! I don't know what its done but I forgive it already! So cute!
It all boils down to cultural stereotypes. Some Westerners perceive Asians as submissive, non-argumentative people. Perhaps, they are not sure how to react if that stereotype is busted. I had my fair share of it when traveling around Europe on many occasions over many years.
As a Sporean, I have met many American travelers in Europe who are gobsmacked that I can even converse in fluent English, do I look to them like I live in a cave! I thought it was common universal understanding that English is the global language of communication.
As for the Europeans, they always wonder why my parents let me out of the house to travel alone around Europe? I look young but am actually much older than the Europeans asking me these questions. Is traveling alone the single purview of Westerners only & can only mean danger for a lone Sporean female?
Once I got so fed up with the umpteenth time an American traveler I have met in Europe went on & on about Spore's chewing gum ban. To which I rebutted with how stupid he was that the law only states that one cannot import chewing gum for retail purposes but there is no punishment for chewing it. He was left dumbfounded after explaining it in coherent English to him. Made a passing remark that Sporeans on vacation do buy them back for their own personal consumption.
Last thing I learnt is never say that I am from Spore whenever I meet an American, just too wary with all the litany of sins that they are going to list against me.
Ohh I have to tell the anon commenter about my life in America.
I get the whole,, But you speak such good english too.
I get the dumb chewing gum law all the freaking time as well. That or the slightly well read ones talk about Micheal Fay and caning. I inform them he is a druggie here now or something.
Once I had someone ask is Singapore near Tokyo.
I can go on and on about the Americans I have met.
Sorry for the complete hijacking of your commenting space..
Well, I sent an email to apologise. But no answer yet leh.
J, haha no need to say it so loudly (the humour or lack of bit). But no, her Hub's not Hub's boss. Hub's 2 bosses are almost antiques so if they should have kids at the school they'll be the grandchildren.
I stole the puppy pic from somewhere in google. I thought it was so cute too.
Anon and Asaaan - I went through that being-attacked phase too. Would get me so mad at the beginning I would avoid telling people I was from Singapore - or be ready for a heated discussion. Then I told myself it wasn't my fault that others were ignorant and opiniated. They only know one thing about us and they had to show it off - that they only know one thing about us :-). Sarcasm I find is the best defense. But usually they'll be too insipid to catch it - also waste of effort.
Back where we come from we're certainly not perfect. But instead of discussing the pros and cons of a paternalistic state or corporate bureaucracy, they bore us with the chewing gum issue - and like you said, didn't even bother to know all about it to start with.
Update : She answered and she's really very nice about it, so I'm relieved that we've aired the issue. I don't like to keep things in the heart and let it fester.
And I was just thinking that sometimes my so-called sense of humour sucks, I have to face the truth and with age it gets easier actually.
Oh great! :) Everything´s cleared now! I would have suggested sending an email too.... and honestly, I don´t see anything wrong with what you said. Your food photos are AMAZING! I wish you´re still staying in Stuttgart! The Singaporean bunch would LOVE to have you with us, you could have been our cooking teacher!
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