dimanche, août 05, 2007

Are You Money-Faced?

I wonder how many of you folks in contact with many Western Europeans have the same observation as myself : that they like to accuse us Asians of talking only about money whereas THEY are so above and beyond all that.

I agree that money is an important topic of conversation among Asian e.g. Chinese people - mainly because whether you like it or not, unless you live in a swamp or a desert, it does feature big in your life and dictates what you can and cannot do.

And seeing that politics in many Chinese societies even up to today is a bit taboo seeing the risks you may run for being too frank, I suspect that money (besides food, and food is dependent on your treasury) is a much safer topic to stick to. And for Overseas Chinese communities, the reason why many of them are overseas is usually economic, and when they are political refugees, they would have undergone so much hardship and uncertainty that the only thing certain in life would be to make sure that one has enough money to keep one dry on a rainy day.

So what brings me to this post is that I've decided to voice out, now that I have a blog, some of what I've been thinking about on the subject in my decade living overseas.

It has often irked me when I ask one of my Hubby's friends, for example, how much for and whereabout the guy had bought a particular CD, and he would smirk and tell me in the face that money is not everything in life and that the price shouldn't matter. What should matter is the coup de coeur (hit of the heart) etc.

He said that because most of them (Hubby included) have this idea that Asians are money-faced, talk about money all the time and let money dicate their lives. What superficial idiots, if you ask me. Because that friend in question, for example, may not talk about money openly, but if you ask his ex-wife, she'll tell you that he's generous only with himself, doesn't manage his money and hence his priorities correctly, and is very often broke even though he makes a more than decent living. I may have nearly failed Economics at A Level, but I did catch that part about resources being limited and us having to prioritise etc. If I were him, I would certainly not let myself have too many coup-de-coeurs, ask myself if I really need another CD and if I do, then check and compare prices and get one at the lowest price possible so that I may have enough funds left to indulge the rest of my family. I do not know about you, but indulging my family often does give me more heart and pleasure than I when I indulge only myself.

And he isn't the only person I know who's like that. Mock you when you mention money, but you never see much of his money when it's time to use it. The more-or-less only people I know who have treated me in restaurants are Asian/Chinese - people who talk about money and who are not afraid to come out with it in the real especially in good company. You know, put the foot where the mouth is. And very often these Asians may not even be well-off.

And why shouldn't Angmos be interested in money? Money doesn't fall out of the sky, you have to earn it, look for it. All those gold and diamond mines, oil rigs etc are Caucasian-owned. Did they care whether some of the money return to the local population, whether their explorations hurt the environment? Most of the MNCs are Caucasian-owned. Their main aim is to create profit - the more the merrier - and to achieve this aim, it's perpetual streamlining of costs (why guys like Hubby are essential), hiring labour at the lowest possible cost, outsourcing, off-shoring, relocating etc. Money is not important? Why whimper (threatening to move operations out of the country etc) when the Chinese Government for once recently tried to protect some of its workers by coming out with a new law offering some minimum protection for their workers labouring for foreign-owned companies?

On the recent 125-euro pizza episode, Hubby claimed that I was over-reacting to something as unimportant as that. That if his friends and colleagues knew about this, they would think me mad. That I should stop getting so affected by money. Stop being so Asian.

That certainly made my blood boil. If Monsieur is some Philanthropist, fair enough. But let's put it this way : the only money he gave to the less fortunate was when the State taxed him half of his income whether he wanted it or not. The rest of the time, money flies out of the window malheureusement not through generosity, but through negligence.

I may jump when I get ripped-off, but I like to think that I am acting partly out of principle. I am the one who reads up on charities and makes at least the gesture of giving. In my younger years, I served as a volunteer to the Elderly in my free time for years. If I try to limit occasions where I may be cheated of my money, it is because I have respect for the paper and for the labour that goes towards earning it. And I spend alot, too much. But those things I spend on are rarely wasted. I can give them away. And I enjoy giving them away. Finally, I maintain that if I have money to spare, then it should go to the needy. Not accidentally to speeding fines, greedy restaurants etc - simply because I am too important to care.

And money is not an intelligent topic. It's vulgar. But communicate it differently in the form of business, wines, food...all linked to money whether you like it or not - and it's OK. Sometimes I find the Europeans so good at deluding themselves. And as artificial as they often accuse us of being.

And they are not racist? Not narrow-minded? Why couldn't they understand why Chinese people often talk about money and accept it then? And not use it against them especially when it is out of context and uncalled for?

Another thing, what other intelligent topic can you discuss with many Europeans? You mention where you come from and they would attack you about its Human Rights record. Yet, I have rarely seen people so tuned to their own personal pleasures than those with whom I've come into contact with. Do you think they really care about how others elsewhere live? What these people suffer?

Then they should stop doing drugs ("Stop telling others what they shouldn't do," they would exclaim. "You're feeding the Talibans, the Colombian warlords and indirectly killing lots of innocent people," I would retort);

Stop visiting prostitutes (and contributing to the unprecedented increase in human trafficking in this century);

Stop smoking (and killing me indirectly);

Stop mismanaging money so that it could be put to better use.

14 commentaires:

Anonyme a dit…

I hear you sister. The denial, the guilt complexes, the rationalising etc etc.
If it was me, I would have made a huge fuss too. Easier to say leave it if it is not your own pocket that is affected. Talk is cheap. Better to make a stand and be made a fool, principles are at stake here.

Dutchess a dit…

Regardless where I am or which nationality I'm dealing with, I personally don't talk about money unless it's with people I'm very close or familiar with. Like you, I enjoy getting the best bargain possible, not because I'm cheap or stingy but it just makes good sense ie, more for the family or the next indulgence. However, I won't fight tooth and nail for a couple of dollars difference.

I think most Caucasians have the misfortune of coming across a minute few Asians who really are money minded, even by our (ie Asian) standards. I know I've seen my fair share here and in Singapore. And yes, I too have seen enough money minded Dutch people here too. They are not so blatant about it but you can still see right through them.

Beau Lotus 涟 a dit…

Umami, to me, it's indeed more about the principle, not about the money. After all, money comes and money goes. Hubby didn't see it like that. His "principle" is that we shouldn't make any fuss about money. Which to me is a non-principle. He thinks it more important that people (esp the colleagues and friends) not see him as some guy who would harp on money. Like this is some kind of value. Misplaced, if you ask me.
But more importantly, he (like many of his friends) just likes another opportunity to point out my "Chinese-ness", which I find racist, patronising and out of context. Anyway, I'm not the sort to complain behind one's back, so whenever I can, I always make it open.

Beau Lotus 涟 a dit…

J, I agree that we'd better not be too money-minded or it'll poison our lives. I really believe that if it's not yours to keep, it'll find a way to leave you.
So when I was protesting about it, it was about the "unscrupulous" way it was leaving me, not the fact that it left. (grin)
But we Chinese have had our reputation made. Though some fail to realise the distinction between talking about money and being obsessed about it. When I talk to my mom, she would be telling me what price she paid for this or that. Is she obsessed with money? Definitely not. In fact, a more generous person with whatever (little) money she has I do not know. It's just a conversation topic.
As for the Dutch, you know the expression "Going Dutch", don't you (haha)?

Anonyme a dit…

I've been lurking for many months, first time I comment. I love your post, love the straightforward way you put it.

Europeans thinking they are beyond frugality, when their own finances are in shit. Hah!

Beau Lotus 涟 a dit…

Ah Jasmine (which reminds me, can anybody donate me a jasmine plant? I can see quite a number of uses for it), welcome to the open :-).
And thanks for the support. And frugality indeed is a value though stinginess is certainly not.

Edith a dit…

I was brought up adopting "spent wisely and within your means". I see nothing wrong in being frugal. Guess at the end of the day, we need to set our priority straight. Nice to have or die die must have?

I have seen people who live in style but has no money in the bank and not thinking about the "what happend on rainy days". Can one guarantee they will be forever lucky?

I have seen people who live based on their needs (as seen as being frugal) and yet they are able to travel and see the world yearly. Broaden their horizon and insights which money cannot really be exchanged.

People going for cheap deal not necessary be Asian. I have watched how the "angmohs" went thru stampede on Boxing day to get the best deals too!

Money is a sensitive issue even between husband and wife.

Good that you let off some steam, at least get it out of your system.

Beau Lotus 涟 a dit…

Hi Precious Moments, thanks for taking the time to drop a few lines.
Indeed I needed to let off steam on the subject. It is irritating hearing all the time that I take money too seriously when all around I may complain but I give alot and those who laugh at me spend only on themselves.
And I needed to talk about this stereotype they have about Asians. At Bali, it pained me to see the angmos bargaining like mad with the locals (at a time when times were bad after the bombings) forcing them to sell their stuff for peanuts.
Finally, money is definitely a sensitive issue in any household. In mine, to be fair, Hub's not stingy, but I just find his generosity misplaced at times. Like he would ignore a beggar in the street, but would tip a so-so waiter in a restaurant generously. And the fact that it doesn't matter what point I was trying to make, but the minute I mention money he would just cut me short and tell me to stop obsessing about it! What the???

Hornbill a dit…

"Spent wisely and within your means".....I was also brought up by this motto. I always remember my late mum used to say...."if you wish to spend a lot of your money on something which you don't need at all, you might as well paste all the notes on a wall."

Some of my German acquaintances and colleagues asked me...is it true that many Asians are 'money-faced'?....What they meant by 'money-faced' is....being very materialistic and only buy branded things. I always tell them as a matter of fact, yes, some of them are (unfortunately) but not all, some are very frugal and thrifty but not stingy. It did irk me that they have this kind of thinking but there is no way we can erase this thought from their mind.

Most of the Germans I know are being very frugal and economical (but can't say for the rest). I notice that cos I am working in a supermarket and everyday I can see many customers come in with our flyers in hand and only buy articles which are on offer :-)

Beau Lotus 涟 a dit…

Hee hee, one of my favourite activities in Germany and the US was to flip through weekly supermarket newletters and pick out the stuff on offer. Helps decide what I should cook in the week leh. Anyway the Schwabs are known for their frugality that sometimes touches on stinginess, which may not be too bad seeing how well-managed Stuttgart and its regions are, the quality of life etc.
Back to money-face, materialism OK as if you're not Buddhist you'll probably fall into the trap of always wanting more, but I have it hard on the branded goods. Afterall most luxury brands are European and they started out certainly not with an Asian market. Today many asians go for brands because they believe that the quality is better (often true), they need the status it gives them (the power of marketing) and they don't know what to do with their money (should give me). Me, I wouldn't go near luxury brands if they are not found in an outlet centre. But I wouldn't buy a fake if I can't afford it because behind each fake you probably cause loss of jobs, support the mafia etc.
In general, I think Asian people work hard, save hard and spend hard. In every stage of the beforementioned, money is involved, which is why we sound like we talk about money all the time. That's my guess anyway.

Hornbill a dit…

"Die Schwaben sind geizig!" (The Swabians are stingy)....that is the saying always connect to them but they will change it to: "Wir sind nicht geizig sondern sparsam!" (We are not stingy but frugal" :-).....which is true cos all of the Swabians I know are not stingy at all.

Yes, I do agree with you that Asian work hard, save hard and spend hard. I guess the ang moh just have to accept the way we Asian are (talk about money) just like we accept them by having some 'thoughts' about Asian.

Dutchess a dit…

I've often believed that while money is not everything, it sure makes the world go round.

As for buying luxury labels, I stand by all my designer shoes and bags and say the quality is better. Notice I didn't say design because some non-branded or mid priced labels have great design but not so wonderful workmanship or quality. Vice versa for branded items - excellent quality but they should fire the design team.

Beau Lotus 涟 a dit…

Since I am materialistic, Dutchess, I'm looking forward to my shopping spree in Paris next week :-) Am itching to visit Cacharel and Corinne Sarrault, Tara Jamon and Zapa for its silk stuff. That is if I do not stuff myself silly with all the restaurants we plan to visit and cannot squeeze into anything anymore.
I've just given away alot of my stuff so now I can buy some more (evil grin). And I have to live up to my money-faceness, not let it down.

Dutchess a dit…

Yes, yes! Embrace your inner money-faced child! LOLOL...

But seriously, now's a good time to shop, some of the stores have autumn previews now.