Morbid Thoughts and a New iMac

As some may know, we've been dealt a few blows recently having to face leaking pipes in both our French and Italian homes. If water does symbolise wealth like we Chinese believe, then money certainly has grown legs in this household.

You know what they say about it being difficult to stem the water when the floodgates are open and we certainly do find ourselves incapable of controlling our spending lately. Just take yesterday as an example. I have too many cookbooks and the Hub too many Ferrari table books so we decided that we needed a new bookshelf. We walked into Ricci Casa and left with 6 wooden chairs, 2 bedside tables, a teakwood buffet and bookshelf all from their "ethnic" collection, thank you very much buy-now-pay-in-a-month credit card!

Then we drove to the shopping mall near the furniture shop and left with an 24-inch Apple iMac. Hub isn't one of those men who spend their time playing games or salivating over big boobs on the computer so when asked what he wanted a new computer for, he claimed that it was for me to blog on (???)...Why do I get a computer I didn't ask for and not the emerald ring that I've dropped bomb-sized hints about?

So in just a few hours we are now a few thousand euros poorer and that after a lot more spent in the last month during our trip to Singapore. Of course what comes in must go out, money's made to be spent, we'll earn it back in the future etc...

But having spent the past 2 days stuck between the pages of the latest Harry Potter, I am currently thrusted into metaphysical agonies, needing to interrogate myself over how I feel about and envisage death. I do not know if I fear death, but I certainly do fear dying before and without having achieved much in my life.

There being no age for dying I could jolly well kick the bucket tomorrow leaving behind my 3 beautiful babies and a Hub who doesn't know where their clothes are kept.

I also agonised over the scenario where Hub and I leave the kids alone at home "for a short while" and then somehow get ourselves killed outside, leaving the kids alone ignorant of our disappearance. With that I also remember that we have no will, no life insurance, almost no assets, and that our families (separated by a few continents) will surely not know what to do with my body (should I go home and be with my ancestors?), the children (would they be better off with my younger family?) etc. I mentioned that to the Hub and he told me to stop being morbid...

I sometimes wish that the Hub could just be a little Kiasu (KS aka afraid of losing out). Without carrying the "quality" to its extreme, a little dose of KSness couldn't be bad in life. It keeps you on your toes, on the lookout, you do not usually take anything for granted and you are as a result often anticipative, proactive and reactive/ready.

To continue with the flood, the cleaning lady finally came and she wasn't joking when she said that she wanted to work a minimum of 4 hours in my house. She cleaned and ironed for 10 in total. I tried to stop myself from wincing when I emptied my wallet with her day's earnings. She told me about how stingy and macho her live-in Italian partner is. I offered her tea with cookies as she worked and gave her an artisanal panettone as our meeting gift. I wonder how many hours she'll want to work in my house next week. Problem is that while she's here, I can't go out and shop. I want to cover many many sales in my life before I kick the bucket.